I can see clearly now

I have a confession to make today.  I have been at this computer for the last hour laughing hysterically so much so that my cheeks hurt from smiling, all by myself in my little computer room with my real virtual friends.  Many people have asked how I got though this or that, and if you know me well, you know God is my first answer. He is my hope and my salvation, no question no doubt.  My family ranks right under there, my daughter, my immediate family, my Doug, my whole extended family, his family, my ex’s family, my friends that are family, etc.  Of course, the doctors that God placed in my life at different times and the friendships that grew from them too, like Dr. Joe and Barbara.

Just some of my family

Donna's memorial day celebration

However, what I haven’t mentioned a lot of, are the friends that I have met because I got the big bad "C" word.  There are so many people in my life at this very moment that I can’t believe I spent thorty something years without.  And yes I meant thorty, it lies somewhere between the thirties and forties in my imagination.  But I met Donna K. because her friend Karen befriended me at my second chemo infusion. Then Donna and I met at Karen’s funeral just a few weeks later.  Through Donna I met Cyndie G.  and we have melted together as “hell-n-backers” as Donna calls it.  They suffered great losses in their lives, but it’s not sorrow that glues us together, it’s hope twisted around love and friendship.  

If I hadn't gotten “c” I also wouldn’t have met the wackiest, funniest, interfaith, hope filled group of women on line. This group of women is remarkable. Each of them has or is battling the “c” word, each has a life all their own with everyday problems too.  Yet each of them is just like me, swimming against the current sometimes, and enjoying the ride back down.  The fun part is that we get to say “weeeeee” together as we journey.  We laugh out loud at our computer screens, a lot, no even more than that.  We have private jokes that perhaps wouldn't even be funny outside our internet lives.  And we share intimate details of our c battles, that yes, we understand together.  Funny enough I have never spoken with any of them only typed to them.  I know their children’s name, when chemo head allows, I know where they work and what they like to do when they aren't working or aren’t at doctors appointments.  It’s been such a blessing meeting these women, as we encourage, pray, and laugh with each other, every day. 

women under the age of 30, stage IV breast cancer signed these pants

I have had the privilege of meeting so many different people along this way.  I have been given a chance to step back and let the goodness of people shine though, when I needed it most. I found myself somewhere along that way, and didn't even know I was lost. The world is greener, the sky bluer, I love more deeply, and pray more often and with so much more passion and praise.  I guess my confession today is that I am grateful for the gifts I have been given, even the gift of c.  You see, "C" really, all it stands for is clarity. 

if you let the waters lay still, you can see yourself so clearly